Today marks the 3rd anniversary of the death of my father. Some days it still seems like yesterday. You are told it gets easier with time and yes, the pain seems to be less, but the memories remain... There are days you so long to talk to your love one. My husband has told me in the past how funny it was that my Dad and I could hold a thirty minute conversation about the weather. But we could. We just enjoyed being together. I loved just sitting with him and talking about life.
My Dad spent 20 years in the military and he had so many adventures and saw so many places. I use to think it was a joke that my Dad knew everyone but HE did. We would go places and he would start talking to someone and you would ask "you know him?" oh yes, we served together in such in such or overseas. My Dad knew a lot of history too. He could tell you all kinds of information. He was interesting like that.
There are days I can still hear his voice. Still hear his ol sayings and remember his nicknames for people. I still dream about him and can sometimes still feel his hug and smell his cologne. I am thankful for the memories that are still fresh. I know as time goes by they will begin to fade. It just happens that way and I have to be ok with that.
I know one day I will see my Dad again. I have that hope because I know he is in heaven with so many of my loved ones. You know, it is hard as you get older to loose your family. I am still very young and at times a little envious of those who are much older than me that still have their fathers. So much still to share of life, but yet, it was his time and who I am to question that.
But till then... I will continue on... remembering the good.... trying to learn from the bad. Hopeful and thankful for the time we did have. I will try not to regret the things I wish I had done differently, the mistakes made, the differences we had.
One thing I do know for fact is that my Dad loved me, loved his family. I never once doubted that I was loved and for that I am very, very thankful.
Saturday, July 26, 2014
Saturday, June 7, 2014
The days gone by...
Today I find myself dreaming of yesterday...
As I get older I find myself wanting to go against the trends of today, yes, as I sit here writing a blog! I find that most people (not all) live their lives via social media. As I check my email, Facebook and Instagram on a regular basis dissatisfaction with life sets in. I find myself wanting to get out, out of my house, in the fresh air, living life! Not being confined inside...
I have found once again my love to be outside. I find myself wondering around my yard, pulling weeds, talking to my flowers and contemplating LIFE! There is just something about being outside with the sun beating down on you and the sound of the wind ruffling through the trees, watching the ants scurry about or the squirrels chasing each other that just sets me at peace and makes me feel alive.
When I was growing up I spent a lot of my time with my paternal grandparents. I would follow my Papa around. He was always outside tending his garden, working in the yard, chopping word or digging worms for us to go fishing. I could pick tomatoes, cut okra, break up the ground in preparation to plant, mow grass, clean and gut fresh fish we had just caught, shell peas... I could even change tires, dig up septic lines, climb trees and chase dogs. My favorite would be the fishing. When my Papa would back that ol Toyota pick up truck to the boat we knew we were in for an adventure. The thrill of loading up the boat to head to the Dog River, putting the boat in the water, the spray in our face as that little boat went full throttle down the river. Then the casting of your line and the quiet stillness as you watched for signs of a fish on your line. The absolute stillness as you held your breath waiting, watching the life go on around you. The alligators peaking at you, the snakes hanging from trees, hoping they did not fall on you as you slowly made your way down the river. Then your stop at the little beach to cool off. I so remember the first plunge into the icy river and then the sudden realization you are swimming in the very water where you just minutes ago saw those piercing eyes watching you from a distance, thinking what a tasty snack you would be.
I still enjoy the occasional visit to the river to watch the boats go by and remember. Life really was more simple then and there was always an adventure to be had. We knew our neighbors and we had friends we spent time with face to face.
I realize we can never go back to the way things were but I can venture out and try some new things with my children. I can try to instill in them some of the things that I learned as a kid. They do follow me out sometimes and we so enjoy the days when our neighbors are out too so we can enjoy face to face fellowship. And thankfully I still have some friends that enjoy being out and about.
In all this I have an even greater appreciation for my childhood and my grandparents and how they lived. Some of the good was imparted in me. I see the things they were trying to instill in and teach me. My family is far from perfect but the next time I go visit my maternal Grandmother I will have no problem following her around her yard as she shows me all her beauties. I will enjoy every minute I spend with her and soak it all in and hope to gain some wisdom. I miss my Paternal grandparents but know I will see them again one day soon. Again thankful for the days gone by.
As I get older I find myself wanting to go against the trends of today, yes, as I sit here writing a blog! I find that most people (not all) live their lives via social media. As I check my email, Facebook and Instagram on a regular basis dissatisfaction with life sets in. I find myself wanting to get out, out of my house, in the fresh air, living life! Not being confined inside...
I have found once again my love to be outside. I find myself wondering around my yard, pulling weeds, talking to my flowers and contemplating LIFE! There is just something about being outside with the sun beating down on you and the sound of the wind ruffling through the trees, watching the ants scurry about or the squirrels chasing each other that just sets me at peace and makes me feel alive.
When I was growing up I spent a lot of my time with my paternal grandparents. I would follow my Papa around. He was always outside tending his garden, working in the yard, chopping word or digging worms for us to go fishing. I could pick tomatoes, cut okra, break up the ground in preparation to plant, mow grass, clean and gut fresh fish we had just caught, shell peas... I could even change tires, dig up septic lines, climb trees and chase dogs. My favorite would be the fishing. When my Papa would back that ol Toyota pick up truck to the boat we knew we were in for an adventure. The thrill of loading up the boat to head to the Dog River, putting the boat in the water, the spray in our face as that little boat went full throttle down the river. Then the casting of your line and the quiet stillness as you watched for signs of a fish on your line. The absolute stillness as you held your breath waiting, watching the life go on around you. The alligators peaking at you, the snakes hanging from trees, hoping they did not fall on you as you slowly made your way down the river. Then your stop at the little beach to cool off. I so remember the first plunge into the icy river and then the sudden realization you are swimming in the very water where you just minutes ago saw those piercing eyes watching you from a distance, thinking what a tasty snack you would be.
I still enjoy the occasional visit to the river to watch the boats go by and remember. Life really was more simple then and there was always an adventure to be had. We knew our neighbors and we had friends we spent time with face to face.
I realize we can never go back to the way things were but I can venture out and try some new things with my children. I can try to instill in them some of the things that I learned as a kid. They do follow me out sometimes and we so enjoy the days when our neighbors are out too so we can enjoy face to face fellowship. And thankfully I still have some friends that enjoy being out and about.
In all this I have an even greater appreciation for my childhood and my grandparents and how they lived. Some of the good was imparted in me. I see the things they were trying to instill in and teach me. My family is far from perfect but the next time I go visit my maternal Grandmother I will have no problem following her around her yard as she shows me all her beauties. I will enjoy every minute I spend with her and soak it all in and hope to gain some wisdom. I miss my Paternal grandparents but know I will see them again one day soon. Again thankful for the days gone by.
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